Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A job in the sticks


Picture taken from Site

I remember vividly how I had only one thing on my mind when I graduated from my first engineering degree:  Escape. I was a girl obsessed.  I ruthlessly let go of a perfectly good boyfriend who wanted to marry me, I cut off from my friends, I said goodbye to everyone before I even had a job in hand. My father tried to guilt trip me into staying,

"We have sacrificed so much for you." he pleaded.

I answered him dramatically, "Those who are grateful end up slaves.  I choose resentment and I will escape."

Oy.

I took the very first job I could find, I purchased my parent's old car and drove off full of naive expectations in my head.  And I think you can guess how that turned out.

I spent my teenage and college years in Toronto Canada, a fairly big and cosmopolitan city by all standards.  I didn't think there was much to love with Toronto. There is nothing to be ashamed of either of course, it is a perfectly functional city: decent employment rates, excellent restaurants, sane politics, good roads...etc.  But I was hoping for some place remarkable, like New York, or Moscow, or Nairobi. In truth Toronto was not really the problem, it was my life there and the burdens come with.  I feared if I weren't steadfast in leaving, I wouldn't stand a chance but to go down a very narrow path, slowly and painfully.

My first job was located in a small town named Arnprior about 50 km west of Ottawa, home to about 7000 people.  It is one of the capital city's satellite communities, except Arnprior was a particularly insular place, I was warned that people there are of a different breed.  No matter.  I was there for a brilliant career, I cared not for the distractions of my surroundings.

Now imagine a delicate and tall Chinese girl, dressed in a flattering business casual ensemble with open toe flats, she walks confidently into a manufacturing plant and straight to the President's office.  She shakes hands with her new boss, the President himself, and was immediately directed to her station ready to assume the role of engineer of a 80-workers strong medical device company.  Technically, that was what happened.

"You is the new engineer?"  Some guy name Frank shouted at me through the deafening noise of the machines.  He was covered in soots, lubricants and whatever else.

"Yes I am, very nice to meet you." I replied.

"You is what they come up with huh.  Certainly different."  He indiscreetly eyed me from top to bottom, then he added, "The last guy was here for only two months."

"What happened to him?"  I asked,

"Oh eh, he eh, he misses his home.  He is from a small town out in New Foundland ya know, those types are f*@!in' idiots.  He was crying like a pussy, bangin' on his desk (my desk) sayin' he wants home and mommy for days."

"Huh." I didn't think there was a town smaller than Arnprior but I held my tongue.

When I arrived at my desk it was completely covered in dirt and junk.  Lorie from shipping snuck up behind me.

"You are a pretty little thing."  She said, I was in fact a head taller than her, I was much thinner though.

"Thank you."  I replied.

"How old are you?" She asked,

"Twenty three."  

"How many kids do you have?"  No one had asked me that before...ever...up to that point.

"None."  

"Well, if you stay here you soon will."  She said, I glared at her.  "The men here, they have their ways...."  She explained.

I thought the wisest thing to do in response was to clear my so called desk.  I searched high and low for cleaning materials, and came back with some bottles of unidentified chemicals.  They worked, at least I could see that the desk was made of good solid wood.

Two days later they found a dead woman in front of the company grounds just off of the main road.  Everyone was talking about it when I got to work.

"She died in her PJs."  Lorie came to tell me.

"Did you know her?"  I asked.

"No."  She said, "This kind of thing isn't abnormal you know, especially in the winter.  This highway is called the killer stretch.  They'd find dead bodies every so often, sometimes they are left there for weeks."

"The drivers just leave them there?"  I asked, trying to conceal my amazement.

"Oh yeah.  They are just drunks."  She said.

"You mean the dead?"

"Well yes, people got drunk and they walk out of their house in the cold and die.  Sometimes they get hit by a car.  But then come to think of it, the drivers are often drunk too."  Lorie was right.  That was exactly what happened to the woman, she was a drunk who walked out into the road late one night and died due to some complication from her alcoholism.

It was a terribly rough first week.  I thought my life would finally begin in this new place, but instead all my hopes were destroyed pretty much in those first few days, and very soon I was again on escape mode.

Since I was new to the professional world, naturally, I tend overreact to the smallest upset.  But this was made infinitely worse by the fact that I came to the most ridiculous workplace in the western world.  From the outside looking in, my job wasn't so bad.  I interacted with FDA and surgeons to design and produce orthopedic implants and instruments.  I attended surgeries, I used state of the art software, and compared to all other employees there, I was a highly paid individual.

The President started his business when he got a contract from the Johnson and Johnson Company, the behemoth cash cow south of the border, and he built his plant from that initial capital.  The problem is, he never grew out of his entrepreneur phase into a real businessman.  His operation was a complete disaster, we were scrapping upwards of 95% of the product line because they were not meeting spec.  In my naivety, I wanted to improve the efficiency and quality of our processes, that was the job of an engineer after all.  But the President had other ideas.

One day, he threw a bowie knife onto my desk.

"I want you to design something like this."  He told me.

"This is a knife."  I said, utterly confused.

"Yeah, I talked to my butcher and he told me how much he paid for his knifes.  I could make a fortune with all that scrap metal."  Rumor has it, he kept the defect metal implants in his barn shed.  I heard there was a mountain of it.  So I spent the day on my CAD program designing a knife.  Why not?  Except he forgot it the very next day and came back with another bonehead idea.

However, that was nothing compared to the safety violations of this place, I was working in mild fear for my life everyday.  The President is by far the most frugal man I know, he would do bloody anything to save a buck.

"There is no fire alarm in this place."  I said in one managers meeting.

The President eyed me darkly.  The production managers, shipping staff and the engineers were all housed in a large room above the plant with only one small staircase in and out.  The staircase was above a compressor.

I boldly added some safety items in our meeting agenda, exercising my engineer authority.  "We need a fire escape and a fire alarm."

"Now, that is not being flexible.  There is an announcement system."  The President replied.

"Yes, but no one can hear it, the machines here are really loud.  Besides, the system is locked inside your office, no one can get to it.  Everyone upstairs will surely die if there is a fire."  Someone else said.

"No no, there is no need.  Everything is good and proper here."  The President soon changed the subject.

But I suppose he feared what I may do, report him to the authorities perhaps.  The next morning when I came to my desk, Chuck the maintenance guy was doing something next to it.

"What are you doing?"  I asked.

"Oh, I am making you a fire escape."  Chuck said.  He was in fact making a rope ladder.

"Is this a joke?"  I asked.

"Well, if there is a fire, you can use this to jump out of the window."  Chuck answered, apparently he thought it was a clever idea.

"The windows do not open, and they are less than a feet wide."  I pointed at the windows.

"I suppose you are right.  I wonder why the boss asked me to do this. This makes no sense at all."  Chuck said, genuinely confused.  He then abandoned the ladder and went away.

After a while, I was accustomed to the absurdity and took things in stride, to a point.  I barely reacted when Pete, the production manager, yelled out the loudest F word I have ever heard because his computer crashed once too many times (The President refused to buy him a new computer though the old one crashes every half an hour).  Pete came to work the next day insanely drunk after five years of sobriety.  The President came up the stairs, dragged Pete by the collar into the front yard and hosed him down with water.  The rest of us barely turned around to look, events like that were normal.

Crazy as it may seem looking back, going home to Toronto was not an option for me, I never even thought about it.  I cried all the time of course, at nights when I couldn't sleep, or when I drove on thick sheet of black ice in the winter through the killer stretch.  I got into inconsolable self pitying moods where I was sure that my life was forever doomed because I couldn't find another job.  Still, going home was out of the question.

The most brilliant incident though happened near the end of my employment there.  The President was always looking for government saving opportunities for small businesses and he found the perfect one.  At that time, the Canadian government was offering cheap environmental greening services for manufacturing operations and I suspect there were some taxation benefits along with it.  He was ecstatic.

The government sent a consultant to the plant and they rerouted all the water and coolant drainage systems in the building.  It was a good thing.  The point was to improve sustainability and to preserve clean water.  However, the President saw this as an opportunity to further cut cost, he had the genius idea of hooking up the toilet water along with the waste water treatment lines.  Why not?  It was only toilet water.  There were only two toilets, one for men, the other for women.

The toilet water overnight turned into black puddles of acids, antifreeze, slimes, engine oils, bacterial cultures and foulness I don't want to know about.  The stench was unbelievable.  The guys could at least pee standing, the women had to risk splashing from this awful stew.  The President told me this was an excellent thing the next day because the women would no longer be able to take long bathroom breaks, he went as far as bragging about it in the company website in the President's address.

I was in heaven when I finally left that job.  As fate would have it, I was awarded a small career miracle.  My next job was to be in the most venerable research facility in the world, something to this day I have no idea how it came to be.  More importantly, I was to meet my ex-fiance, but that's a story for another day.

Jackie

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The world of shopping

[Fort Worth, November 27. Image via Getty]

When I was a teenager and I didn't have much money, and things were generally more expensive, I remember the excitement I get when I purchase something new. Despite the fact that we had a lot less than we do today, I feel we had way more style back then.  Today, shopping is such a sick hobby, I see fancy things for cheaps everywhere.  The news programs here are blasting scenes of shopping mania from the Thanksgiving weekend and calling it the greatest news of the year or such nonsense and I wonder, how did we get here?

After becoming a vegan, of which I am very proud, the next big step for me is to drastically reduce my consumption.  It makes sense right?  First no violence, then love life, preserve all life....preserve the environment....see things for what they are....see people for what they are....question everything....no more denial....fear a whole lot less....lead by example....act on principle...live with a purpose and so on it goes.  

See this is what I love about veganism, once having reached it, all those other good stuff follows and aligns....naturally.


I have recently seen this excellent video called The Story of Stuff, it perfectly describes our obsession with material goods and the damage it has cost us.  Please please please watch it.  This video brought me to my next goal:  To reduce consumption to a point I find acceptable.  So far, I have mixed success since I have yet defined where to draw the line, unlike veganism, I will have to make compromises with this one.  

It is impossible to completely stop all purchases, but at least I can shop responsibly.  As a family we have already made quite a few changes to become more eco-friendly, I have cut back a great deal on shopping, and we try to buy only when absolutely necessary. But I have made exceptions.  Recently, I allowed myself to justify some purchases to replace my old clothes which are made with animal products such as:  leather, sheepskin, fur, silk, wool, cashmere, angora, and down.  

You may think this is extreme, but the idea of killing the innocent for looks is simply unacceptable to me these days.  I have continued to use some items, but I have replaced most of my leather shoes and my sheepskin coat.  I know it isn't perfect, those animals are already killed on my account, but there are certain things I just cannot bring myself to wear anymore, so I donated them and purchased cruelty-free stuff.  

Strangely, I find shopping meaningful under my current circumstances.  It is fun to look for cruelty-free things because they are rare (isn't it sad?), it is like a treasure hunt.  I have found some beautiful pieces out there by laudable vendors and when I wear them, I feel very unique.  That's the point of fashion ain't it?  To make people notice me, the woman, and not just my clothes.        

Here are some of the things I bought:
      
Audrey coat from Vaute Couture

Leanne Mai-ly Hilgart

Vaute Couture is a small design house in New York City.  They make the most beautiful coats from recycled materials.  I have met the founder Leanne Mai-ly Hilgart, she is one amazing young lady.


I found some awesome boots too, I intend to wear them for life.  Vegan shoes and handbags are actually quite easy to find, for example, check out this Site.  I am totally done in the shoes department.

But of course, the best part about buying tall boots is that extra long shoe box.  In the end, I think we should learn from kitty cats, it takes so little to make them happy.


Well, there you have it.  A work in progress.

Jackie

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A nod to Roosts

Illustration of a hoot owl. iStockphoto.com
iStockphoto.com

Here in the US, the NPR station has a three minute fiction contest and the winner piece for this month is named Roosts by Zach Brockhouse.  It is a beautifully written story, very original, please do read it.  The picture above goes with his story.  For this competition, writers are asked to submit a short fiction that began with the line, "Some people swore that the house was haunted," and ended with the line, "nothing was ever the same again after that."

For fun, I thought I'd give it a try tonight.  I think I will name it Midnight.  So here it goes:  

Some people swore that the house was haunted.  Mother says differently, and she was the one with the facts.  You see, it is easier for others to blame the house because it is worse to let us believe my baby sister was possessed.  They told us we could leave the house and there, problems solved.

Mother wouldn't have it though.  She'd say it wasn't the house and she was sure of it.  She would repeat to them the story of the hospital visit, when Grandpa had a cholecystectomy and she brought my baby sister along to see him.  My sister was only a toddler she said, and before she was inside she was happy as a bee, cute as a button.  But after, Mother exclaimed, after my sister was brought into the hospital she went crazy. 

"My baby cried so hard she went upside down in her carriage, I thought she'd choke.  Something awful happened to her there."

Yes but that was also around the time when you moved into the house isn't it, people would counter.  But I knew there was no convincing Mother, she wanted to be right so bad.

It comes and goes her crying, the same ghastly tone in her wail every time.  It always happened at midnight, and stops within a minute.  I had heard it of course; I slept next to my sister in the same bed all those years.  Grandma came to witness once, and the next day she came back with some Buddhist charms and amulets and she asked my sister questions.  It won't work Mother would say.

Mother preferred the bible; she placed one between our pillows.  The Lord Jesus Christ will protect you, Mother told my sister.

Protect her from what I wondered, the ghost was rather courteous.  My sister grew tall, she learned to ride a bike, she did her homework okay, what's a little crying in the middle of the night?  

But Mother had to be right, the bible had to work.  The crying is less she assured everyone.

She didn't know I had made deals with the ghost.  On some nights I told him to hush it because I had a test the next day.  He was rather obliging; he must have cared about us.

Except nothing is so simple, in death or in life, change is inevitable.  When my family moved to a new country, the ghost had to decide.  He chose to stay in the house and not board a plane with my sister.  In the airport we were nervous but my sister, she didn't look any different.  We said goodbye to many and crossed an ocean, and as it were nothing was ever the same again after that. 

Jackie      
  

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Lovely things


It is Thanksgiving in United States and I spent the week roaming around town together with my folks.  Here are some of the lovely things we saw.  











  
   

       


 


Jackie

Thursday, November 25, 2010

A Family Rhapsody

My parents and sister are in town this week for my mom's 6oth birthday visit.  They are all staying with us in our two bedroom apartment, and I am glad no one gets killed yet.  I would like to record here some conversational highlights, but first, let me acquaint you with the players:

Dad - A very loving father but a highly eccentric Chinese man.  He is a passionate photographer who walks everywhere with his bag full of Pentax equipment and Russian made lenses.  He is also a big proponent in overthrowing the oppressive pseudo-communist regime in China through endless discussions in political forums to promote free-speech (of sorts) in said nation.  He also likes to tinker with other people's computer by installing whatever he fancies.

Mom - The only religious person in the family, she is of the Bible Thumper persuasion (the Chinese Canadian religious from this group typically has no idea of the history of religions except what is written in the translated bible in the most literal sense).  She is very nervous and will freak out over the smallest thing.  She is an excellent cook and will freely give cooking tips out of nowhere.   

Sis - Recently broke up with a guy we were sure would be our bro-in-law.  She seems to be over the guy but not yet officially on the prowl.  She is historically an unbelievable dude magnet (it is possible she is a babe magnet as well), particularly for the geeky successful type who own Internet companies or write ridiculous software codes for a living.  Oh and those with even an itsy bitsy wee bit of yellow fever.  The attraction is simple to explain: she is a geeky dude writing ridiculous software codes for a living, except she does it in a hot Asian chick body.

My Harry - Impatient son-in-law.  Bald and former Israeli tank commander. Does not heed the oft repeated advice by his much wiser wife and sis-in-law to keep his nerves.  He listens to what dad says verbatim and therefore reacts inappropriately.  He dislikes religion but unfortunately knows too much of its' history.  His voice goes high pitch when he is agitated.   

Peter Cottontail the cat - Though never been in question before, his loyalty is now seriously in doubt.  True to his nature, he is cautious and suspicious of new people the first day.  But with three new bellies available to lie on at night, Peter was found sleeping on Sis' tummy instead of mine last night, and he was subsequently been called a traitor. 

Josie the cat - A complete mistress of herself always, Josie has not changed one bit from this visit thus far.  The golden rule in the house has not changed:  only the cats are allowed to eat meat occasionally.  Today Josie caught mom chewing pieces of illegal beef jerky in the room.  She meowed her disapproval and called for immediate seizure of the apparent kitty nibble.

Me - I leave it to you the reader to decide what I am from my other posts.  The only thing I will say is I am the wild card in this scenario, sometimes I am the mediator, sometimes the victimized daughter, sometimes the agitator...

I have noticed that conversations between related individuals are never simple, or make much sense.  It is interesting to see how dialogues turn topsy turvy very fast, here are some examples from this visit:

Conversation 1

(Over the dinner table)

Dad:  "I go to these fashion shows and photography expo, I meet lots of models." 

My Harry:  "What?  Where?"

Dad:  "Toronto, all in Toronto.  Pretty big fashion scene there."

My Harry:  "My impression of Toronto is all ghetto Chinese restaurants." 

Dad:  "No, lots of models."

Me:  "You meet models dad?  Seriously?"

Dad:  "Yeah, they keep asking for my business card.  They follow me around."

My Harry:  "What?"

Dad:  "They want me to take their pictures.  I tell them I don't have any business cards.  I just take their picture and walk away."

Me:  "I am impressed dad." 

Dad:  "I am old you know."

My Harry:  "I should see Toronto again."

Dad:  "They are really pushy, I don't like them.  They keep bugging me."

Me:  "What kinds of models?"

Dad:  "I'll show you.  I'll show you."


Me:  "Huh, who would have thought it."

Dad:  "What can I say, I am a dork."
Conversation 2

(In the car, completely out of the blue) 

Mom: "So my Harry, do you believe in Jesus?"

My Harry: "Well, the Jews killed him."

Mom: "what?"

My Harry: "I wasn't there that day though."

Mom: "So you don't believe in Jesus then?"

Me:  "If I have to pick a religion today, it would be Buddhism."

Mom:  "Why not Christian?"

Me:  "I am still doing comparative shop."

My Harry:  "The Jews do not believe in Jesus, plus I am not religious."

Mom:  "Christians are good.  Christians are never violent."

Me:  "err...okay."

My Harry:  "I have a rule, I do not discuss God and football on the same day.  Today is football day."

Mom:  "The Jews killed Jesus."

Me:  "That's like....ancient history ma."

Mom:  "My Harry, Jews should believe in Jesus.  It will be good for you."

My Harry:  "Not today though.  Today is all football."

Conversation 3

(In a giant electronics store.  Sis is looking for a stereo system)

Me:  "So, you want to buy this stereo system huh.  Well it is on sale for $299."

Sis:  "It is cheaper here." 

Dad:  "No don't buy! this is cheapy stuff...cheapy stuff."

Me:  "Dad, she listens to cheapy music."

Sis:  "That's true."

Dad:  "NO NO NO"

Sis:  "Well, my current set is more than eight years old."

Me:  "I don't even have one." 

Dad:  "This is cheapy.  Don't buy this."

(Dad dragged sis to another section at the store.)

Me:  "Well, are you buying it?"

Sis:  "No, dad convinced me to spend a few thousand dollars on an amplifier and a good pair of speakers."

My Harry:  "What?"  (high pitch)

Me:  "Hold on..wait a sec.  Why are you buying anything at all?  Why don't you just find a dude comes with those fancy gadgets.  Don't you usually have one of those by now?"

Sis:  "That is true.  I'll need to think about this."

Conversation 4

(Dad lifted Josie the cat by the shoulder and staring straight into her eyes for no apparent reason)

Dad:  "What's wrong with your cat?"

Me:  "Dad, what on earth are you doing?"

Josie the cat:  "Who do you think you are?"

Me:  "Dad.  Put her down!  Staring into a cat's eyes is the same as challenging her." 

Dad:  "I don't think she likes this."

Josie the cat:  "Give me fish."

Dad:  "There are cats out who would like this."

Me:  "This is crazy!  You are upsetting her.  Put her down right now!"

Dad:  "Theoretically cats should like this."

Josie the cat:  "Extra brown stuff on your pillow it is."

Dad:  "Your cat's weird."

If you are alarmed at any moment while reading this post, don't worry, it's all good, it is nothing more than affectionate mocking between family. 

Jackie



Monday, November 22, 2010

One orange furball

This is my girl Josie the cat, she came from Spotsylvania, VA.  She is one colorful girl; has spots in the most unexpected places.  I've always said the maker spent extra time on her:  one extra naughty cat + 2 parts orange coloring + 1 part black + 1 part white, all put together in a gentle cycle. 

My father the photographer snapped more than fifty pictures like this one of Josie the cat.

A smiling Josie.  She is so accommodating, she lets us jam the camera right in her face.

Yes bring on the lighting blitz you papparazzi.

The naughty girl has no fear.  She was sitting on a lamp three stories high.  Freaks us out.


Jackie

Friday, November 19, 2010

On being a cynic

I am a newbie in blogging, both in writing and maintaining my own blog as well as surfing what's out there. I am enjoying the experience so far. I have visited quite a few blogs and found some excellent writers and I make a point of leaving a comment behind whenever I can. Most of my comments are positive of course. But the other day I read something which bothered me enough to break that trend, and I left a negative comment for the first time even though the writing is actually pretty good.

I am still very new at this but I am finding that writing is a great way to figure something out. I thought about this negative comment quite a bit since, because I didn't like doing it at all, but having done it made me realize something: I really dislike cynicism.

This was not always the case, I was told for many years that I am a sarcastic and caustic person, and my sense of humor was very much derived from that source. It is such an easy thing to play cool and to self promote through cynicism. But not anymore. Today I actually find it disgusting and I do not miss that part of myself one bit, even when I lost my sense of humor along the way.

This idea is not original I suppose, and I didn't figure it out on my own either. About six months ago I was listening to my favorite podcast and this woman I really admire said something like "Cynicism is so boring." That was an Eureka moment! Maybe this is obvious to everyone, but it wasn't to me. It never occurred to me to link the two, but the idea slowly grew in my head. Yeah, damn it, it is boring! Cynicism is never creative really, kinda like evil. People use it to divert personality responsibility, mask their sense of insecurity, and to deny the chance of real discussion and progress.

So am I successful in dropping cynicism out of my life? it is very hard to say. I am definitely trying, but I am well aware that I am not so witty and light hearted anymore. Perhaps the road out the land of the selfish and the bitter must be a serious one. I would love to find a way to be humorous without being negative...but I fear it may be a study of many years, decades even. I suspect it would be a worthy goal.

Jackie